Hi, it is Tanis. Here is my response to Tina’s last questions from Part Two of the Practical Parenting Tips series, as well as the answer to Tina’s next question in the series about healthy food habits and whether her children should be allowed to choose what they want to eat all the time or not.
Tina’s Question:
What about eating habits – We always try to have meals at the same time every day, but either our kids object to eating at that particular time or they object to what is being served. I’ve been trying to give them everything they want (nutella chocolate spread for breakfast lunch and supper) but how long is this reasonable for??? What can I do to facilitate a healthy choice?
Thank You
My Response:
Hi Tina
I completely understand your concern, unfortunately the kids don’t. They haven’t learned the importance of healthy eating and personal hygiene… yet.
You see I believe in letting kids make their own choices and supporting them, but you are in a transition phase where there is still a lot of learning and evolving that you and the boys need to do. At this point they are learning and testing you to see what they can get away with rather than taking your advice on how to care for themselves.
So once they are in a place where they love themselves and are free to choose what and how they want things and will actually make choices that benefit their health and well being that will be great but in the mean time you will have to step in and create boundaries and rules to keep them safe and healthy.
I remember sitting down with my kids and talking about what I thought was important and what they thought was important. It gave me a good idea where they were coming from and then I was able to create a workable plan, with their help and input.
For example showering or bathing once day is non negotiable, it doesn’t really matter to me when during the day it happens although I prefer evening to wash the day’s dirt off. I let them choose when, how long, which soap, shampoo, towel etc etc. My older son was pretty happy to be able to choose when to shower, he tried out the morning, after school and eventually decided the night-time was best for him.
My younger son on the other hand still tried pushing to see if he could get away with no shower, so his rule was if he hadn’t showered on his own by bedtime then he would need to do it then.. non negotiable.
If the food is a big power struggle then only bring foods into the house that are good for them. It’s a hard transition for anyone to change their eating habits especially kids. If the junk and good foods are both in front of them they will choose the junk, at least right now.
If you bring in a variety of appropriate foods and let them choose they will have a chance to try different things without be tempted with their old favorites.
And again, I found it very helpful to explain the importance of healthy eating and the benefits to their body mind and overall feeling.
It’s important to do all of this in a loving, non-judgmental way. Even though you don’t agree or like their choices you will have to accept that they are different than you and won’t always choose what you would.
Once they start to feel your unconditional love and support they will start to turn around. Don’t’ forget to take care of yourself and let them see that, you are their role model so they will catch onto a lot just by watching you.
Hope this is helpful, talk to you again soon,
Tanis
For further reading, check out our Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting Program Main site at www.bpbkonline.com
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Tags: children, family, fatherhood, free parenting report, kids, life, motherhood, parenting, parenting advice, parenting help, parenting strategies, parenting styles, parenting tips, self-development, self-growth, self-improvement, should child be able to choose own meals, tips for dads, tips for moms
April 15, 2008 at 5:50 pm |
I just found your site, and wanted to add a quick comment from a grandfather’s viewpoint. From my experience kids want to be able to choose. As Tanis put it so well, some things are just not up for discussion. This includes what they eat, and when.
One of our grandkids who is 3-1/2 is a pretty picky eater. If she could could get away with it, she would eat M and M’s for every meal. And so we had a conversation with her. And basically we said that when she comes over to spend the night, she will get a choice of what she likes to eat. Because she isn’t into all of the foods my wife and I eat, like pasta dishes etc.
So we have a selection of her favorite foods which her mother sends along.
When I am ready to prepare a meal, I ask her if she wants what we are eating, or something which she brought along.
I will prepare whatever she wants. She now knows from experience that if she chooses not to eat (which has happened on occasion). She will be waiting for the next meal. Unless she chooses a healthy snack like carrots, or applesauce, or other fruts and veggies.
Since we implemented this rule, we no longer go into a long negotiation with her. She is happier, and still feel slike she is getting to make a decision. Which I belive is critical to a person’s growth.
April 18, 2008 at 12:09 am |
great site very helpful
November 8, 2008 at 11:13 am |
I here the newcomer. Not absolutely I will understand with topic. Explain, please. http://kopitop.ru/map.html
November 10, 2008 at 3:45 am |
Hi Gooloog,
This is Tanis Nicole Wright, writer of this blog. I’m a Mom of two boys and the Director of the Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting Program.
The Better Parents Better Kids Program is a system of parenting that focuses on 2 main points about parenting 1) They we are all unique including our children, so in order to be able to parent in a positive and supportive way we have to understand and support the uniqueness of our children and 2) That childrens’ main role model in life is their parents, so if the parents are positive role-models, then their children will learn or pick up how to become healthy and positive members of society as well.
So what you are reading is Part 3 of a 7 part Question and Answer Series where a fellow Mom of two boys named Tina has been asking a series of common questions relating to parenting and using the Better Parents, Better Kids System.
In this post it is about whether children should be allowed to choose what they eat based on the question that if children are unique – should they be able to choose what they want to eat instead of having to go along with what the parent or who ever else is eating or serving?
Hopefully this makes sense, it may help if you go back into the archives and read all my blog entries from the beginning or visit my Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Website for more information about our parenting system at http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
Best Wishes,
Tanis