Exciting Announcements From Tanis Nicole Wright and the Better Parents, Better Kids Team

Hi it’s Tanis,

Happy New Year!

I hope you had a Wonderful Holiday Season!

My husband, Joey, Cameron and I had a Wonderful Holiday Season as well.

We are in the middle of a major house renovation and are moving back and forth between Cameron’s and Joey’s Grandparents, so for the nextwhile I will have limited computer access – however you can still contact us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca – someone from the Better Parents, Better Kids Team such as Dr. Robby, Melody or Leslie will still be able to get back to you quickly.

I promised an update from Tina, the Star of our two Q & A Blog Series “Give your Child What They Desire” and “Practical Parenting Tips”. I sent an email to Tina and here is her response:

Tina’s Response:

Thank you so much. I know you had asked for some information on how I am doing with my kids. Not sure how much progress I’ve made in that area – but I have definately been growing as a person and parent in terms of patience and attempting things from a different angle. My kids are still engaging in yelling, fighting (hitting included) with each other, expressing anger and dissappointment when they do not get their own way – like how dare I say no them…lol. Things seem to get a little better then a little worse then a little better and so on and so on. Not really helpful hey….lol. Hope all is well – let me know if I can answer any specific question and I will do my best. Take care

It’s Tanis again, I also promised to post a question that Tina had which goes as follows:

Tina’s Question:

“How do I deal with my children when they are expressing anger and disappointment when they do not get their own way? Is there a certain mindset that I should have that may change how they react or should I just let them carry on the way they are now?”

My Response:

Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to respond to her question yet however I have two exciting announcements to make in regards to answering Tina’s question:

1) “The Better Parents, Better Kids Extreme Ultimate Fighting Guide For Difficult Crazy Kids” Mp3 Audio/Article Package:

Dr. Robby, Leslie and Melody are busy developing a new Better Parents Better Kids Program that focuses on how to deal with “Difficult Crazy Kids” or children who have learned to use Control Dramas to try and get their needs met – this will cover in detail Tina’s question above and will be available for purchase within the next couple of months – I will keep you posted and/or you can check for updates at our Better Parents, Better Kids Website at http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com

2) The Amazing Dr. Robby Show:

Dr. Robby is in the process of creating an Internet Radio Show where he will be discussing all the topics we love to talk and learn about including healing, self-growth, abundance, creating the life of your dreams, relationships and yes – parenting! He will be having many guest speakers on all of these topics including clients and customers. So you guessed it -Tina is going to be one of his guest speakers – so for information you can sign -up for the Amazing Dr Robby Show now at http://www.drrobbyonline.com

Happy New Year To You and Your Family,

Tanis

Sharing Parenting Responsibilities – Are There Benefits to Acceptance and Compromise?

Hi it’s Tanis,

It’s been a while since I have posted a Q & A post, but I do have a Mom who has a parenting question, so I’ll start off with that and then give an update on all things that have been going on since the last time I posted.

The Mom wants to remain anonymous, but here’s her question:

Hi Tanis,

“My husband works during the day and I need some help and support taking care of the kids in the evening but he is not interested in helping me, as well my partner doesn’t spend any quality time with the kids and isn’t interested in starting any time soon – what should I do?

My Answer:

That’s a good question, the first thing that comes to mind is that you need to get clear on the reality of the situation first and then accept it.

I’ve found that once I move into acceptance then I can start thinking about what I am willing to accept, compromise on or not tolerate.

My husband works a lot so I have responsibility of my kids most of the time too. The kids are not suffering though, they have awesome grandparents that spend quality time with them as much as they would like.

So If you are a person who wants a hubbie who is supportive with the kids and who will take more responsibility for them and are trying to change him than maybe you need a different partner who will give that to you.

If you are okay with taking on most of the responsibility with the kids and arranging alternate ways to get support and help with them than you may be able to compromise and create systems to deal with the situation.

In fact if you are looking for an excellent resource for couples to learn about how to compromise and develop functional systems in their relationship I highly recommend Dr. Robby’s and Melody Chase ’s Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program at www.counsellorinabox.com

Hopefully this helps.

Tanis

In other news …We are Happy to Announce that our New Better Parents, Better Kids Website – www.betterparentsbetterkids.com – is up and running!

We invite you to come and check out many of our new features including:

1) Our New Monthly Newsletter

2) The Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Forums

Plus access to all of our original features such as my blogs and our Parenting Articles are all available through our New and Improved Better Parents, Better Kids Website!

Come and Celebrate with us at www.betterparentsbetterkids.com !

Last but not least, I have had contact with Tina, the Mom from our Practical Parenting Tips Series, for our next post I will have a little update from her as to how she is doing as well as answer a question that she has.

Best Wishes To You and Your Family,

Tanis

Running Away “To” School

Hi, it’s Tanis,

Just checking in and saying “Hello”

I hope you enjoyed our 7 Part Practical Parenting Tips Series.

As an update, Tina is doing well and she says to say “Hello” to everyone.

Tina and I haven’t talked lately, but the last time we talked we were throwing around the idea of maybe having me come over and visit her and her family (we both live in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada) for something like a “Super Nanny” consultation, where I can give her some ideas on how to practically apply a lot of the parenting tips that we went over both in the 7 Part Practical Parenting Tips and 3 Part Giving Your Child What He/She Desires Series.

As Tina explains, she really understands our parenting tips, but just has more trouble getting started or applying them at home.

So I will get back to everyone about what we decide to do since if we go through with it we were thinking of documenting my visits here on my blog.

Otherwise Melody and I have been busy launching and coordinating our New Free 7 Lost Parenting Secrets Report ( www.7lostparentingsecrets.com) and Better Parents Better Kids Newsletter which has been a lot of fun as well as updating out Free 7 Part Embracing Your Child’s Uniqueness Mini E-Course.

By the way, Tina was the 1st person to sign-up for the 7 Lost Parenting  Secrets Report and Better Parents, Better Kids Newsletter, so if you are one of our members, just think Tina’s reading along with you!

Melody and I are both getting our footing on the whole Newsletter and E-Course System so we haven’t been writing any new articles or posts lately, but in the meantime I thought it would be really cute to tell you an adorable story about Dr. Robby (The Developer of the Better Parents, Better Kids System) when he was just a young little boy that Melody told me about.

In our Better Parents, Better Kids E-Book (www.betterparentsbetterkids.com) I talked about how children do have a good intent and that the majority of children love to go to school as long as it is fun for them.  Therefore there is no need to believe that you have to force children to go to school and stay in school.

There is a small percentage of children who do not like school and that’s o.k. because there may be another way that they would like to learn that suits their style of learning better.

Anyway, when Dr. Robby was a  young child he loved learning so much, when he would go out to the store, instead of asking for a toy or a book about Little Red Riding Hood or The Three Bears, he would always ask his Mom to buy an Encyclopedia.

So one by one through the alphabet, his Mom would buy an Encyclopedia until he had the whole set.

As he collected the series, everynight, instead of being read a fairytale or a popular children’s book, he would ask his Mom to read something out of the Encyclopedias.

Then one day when he was about 3 or 4 years old, he was playing in the frontyard when he saw his older cousin who was in Grade One walking by with a stack of books under his arm.

Dr. Robby asked where his cousin was going, his cousin said he was going to school.

Dr. Robby then asked ”What do you do at school?”

“I learn stuff.” His cousin answered.

All excited, Dr. Robby ran into the house, grabbed a stack of books under his arms and said to his Mom who was standing in the kitchen “Bye Mom, I’m going to school!”

Now his Mom didn’t think anything of it, thinking he meant he was going outside to “play school” in the front yard – until she received a phonecall from Dr. Robby’s cousin’s school saying that they have a little boy there who they believe isn’t suppose to be in school quite yet.”

It was the first time I have ever heard of a child who actually ran away “to” school, instead of away “from” school!

I just thought it was a cute story that Melody wanted me to pass on.

I’ll post again soon,

Best Wishes

Tanis

 

Our Special 7 Lost Parenting Secrets Report and Our Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter is now available!!!

Are you searching for the real key to successful parenting? Your search is over… Check-out our FREE PARENTING REPORT called “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” to find out what you have been missing.

SIGN-UP NOW for our Free “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” Report and get free access to our New Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter @ www.7lostparentingsecrets.com

 

Practical Parenting Tips Part Seven – What Are The Best Ways To Draw In and Enforce Boundaries With My Child?

Hi, this is Tanis with our last entry of our 7 Part Practical Parenting Tips Series. In today’s post Tina will be asking questions about what types of things she should do in regards to both drawing and enforcing boundaries.

Tina’s Question:

Hi Tanis,

What types of things should I be doing to both draw and enforce boundaries…..we have been very wishy washy in the past. What is effective?

My Response:

Tina,

Yes, boundaries are needed especially in situations where you need to keep your child safe or when they need to learn how to respect other people’s boundaries and of course to create their own boundaries.

For example I live near a really busy highway so my kids are not to play past the treeline in our front yard. It’s a verbal agreement but it’s a boundary for them.

Now if they are to cross the line, then we may need to put up a fence to keep them safe.

I find each family has different situations and create different boundaries depending on those situations.

It’s important for kids to know, like adults that everyone has their own unique boundaries.

One person may only take calls at a particular time of day, whereas another may only allow visitors on a particular day. Some kids may love being close and cuddle and others may like you at arm’s distance.

It’s good to talk to the kids about the boundaries you have put into place for them and why. Ie: You can’t come into the kitchen while I’m cooking because the stove is hot and you may get burned…. safety boundary. Or you may not come into my room if the door is closed because that means mom is changing or needs some alone time… personal boundary.

It’s also good to let them know what happens if they do cross the line or invade someone’s boundary. Ie: they could get hurt or anger someone as in the above examples.

What types of boundaries are you looking to inforce? You said you were wishy washy in the past. Is that with all boundaries or just certain ones?
Do you have any boundaries in place that do work well now?

I Hope this helps,

Take care, talk to you again soon

Tanis

Our Special 7 Lost Parenting Secrets Report and Our Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter is now available!!!

Are you searching for the real key to successful parenting? Your search is over… Check-out our FREE PARENTING REPORT called “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” to find out what you have been missing.

SIGN-UP NOW for our Free “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” Report and get free access to our New Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter @ www.7lostparentingsecrets.com

 

Practical Parenting Tips Part Six – How Do I Support My Child If He or She is Hyper and Has Trouble Focusing?

Hi, this is Tanis with Part 6 of our Practical Parenting Tips. In today’s post Tina is wondering what to do with her four year old son that is a ball of energy and has trouble focusing. 

Tina’s Question:

Hi Tanis, 

My younger son (4) is a ball of energy and has a difficult time focusing – how can I support or provide an outlet for him? He is Kinesthetic, Visual (I think) so what is appropriate for me to do with him? How do I get him involved in an interest too? He doesn’t ever say he wants to do this class or join that team or anything.

My Response:

Hi Tina Sorry about the delay, I have been a little preoccupied lately, but I’m back on track.When you say your son has difficulty focusing, do you mean all the time? Is there anything that he will focus on for a period of time?

The reason I ask is that he may be able to focus perfectly fine, just on certain things that he enjoys or is interested in. If he has a lot of energy and is Kinesthetic ( Meaning he communicates through his body and his feelings)  he may like more physical activities like running, jumping, wrestling, punching a bag etc.

I made the mistake of thinking that kids all enjoy the same things, well basically anyway, lol !

But I learned that my kids and all kids are different and just because one likes something doesn’t mean the next one will. My younger son is Driver (Which is a Personality Type) , Visual, Kinesthetic (Which are both forms of communication or what are called communication modes)  so he enjoys anything physical, he needs to kick, punch, run etc to get out all his aggression then he can settle and do something more quiet like read, write or play a game.
 
The best thing is giving him options, letting him try all different things and you will see pretty quickly what he is interested in. Once you understand what kind of activities he enjoys then you can help direct and support him in those areas.
 
Take Care,

Tanis 
 
For more information about Personalities and Communication Modes, check out our Better Parents, Better Kids E-Book at www.betterparentsbetterkids.com or our Better Parents, Better Kids Main Website at www.bpbkonline.com

Please return for Part 7 of our Practical Parenting Tips Series where Tina will be asking questions about what types of things she should do in regards to both drawing and enforcing boundaries.

PLUS…

Our Special 7 Lost Parenting Secrets Report and Our Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter is now available!!!

Are you searching for the real key to successful parenting? Your search is over… Check-out our FREE PARENTING REPORT called “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” to find out what you have been missing.

SIGN-UP NOW for our Free “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” Report and get free access to our New Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter @ www.7lostparentingsecrets.com

Practical Parenting Tips: Part Five – My Child is Has Aggressive Behavior Issues, What Should I Do?

Hi, it’s Tanis back with Part 5 of Our Practical Parenting Tips. Today Tina has some questions about her 6 year old son who is having aggression as well as low frustration level issues.

Tina’s Question:

My older son (6) has issues with frustration and staying (or getting) calm. I know that this is because he is reflecting our behavior…and I am really working at changing mine….but what types of things can I do to help him learn to be calm? For instance, when playing with his little brother (who is 4) he has no patience and physically interacts with him and calls his names and stuff even though he isn’t like this with anyone else (out of character for him)….What’s going on here and how can I help them to be better to each other? They are so competitive and I realize this so I always try to tell them that they are “the same important” and that what one wants is not better than what the other wants. This is a constant battle in my house and it wears on my heart and patience.
 

My Response: 

Yes, you are right that changing your own behavior will help, but it’s not instant. You can do everything perfectly and he still may act out, at least for now.

I would say first of all stop judging his little outbursts and let him know that you love him no matter how he acts, will help and support him but at the same time you will not tolerate him hurting other people physically or emotionally.

For example: You may explain to him that he may play with his brother or be in the same room if he can treat him with respect and not hurt him, but if he is unable to control his actions and is hurting his brother he needs to go somewhere else, like another room.

I needed to do this a few years back with my younger son, he was very aggressive and would use his fists not his words.

Once he understood that it was mom’s job to keep both of her kids safe and that she was going to do everything she could to achieve that, and she was consistent with the rules put into place for safety he decided that he wanted to be with his brother and put down his fists. They are competitive because they feel they may lose something or not get something if they don’t fight for it. 

Some people are naturally more competitive than others and that’s okay as long as they know that they don’t have to beat someone else in order to win.

I could go on about this subject but I’m sure you and Dr. Robby have gone over Old Cap to New Cap already. If not or you have questions just let me know.
 
Once you have explained this to your son and he decides which way he wants to go you may need to help him learn how to calm himself.

If he’s really upset he may need to get out some physical aggression. Running, jumping, punching a pillow, anything along those lines will work in the moment to release his anger.

It would be just wonderful for us mom’s to see our kids playing blissfully and treating each other respectfully all the time, but I’ve discovered that the reality is they don’t! lol !

I personally think it’s just plain FUN for kids to bug their siblings sometimes and as long as they are not hurting one another then I feel that I have done my job and will just accept them as they are.

Take care, 
 
Tanis 

In our next post Tina  asks  how to support and provide an outlet for her 4 year old son who is a ball of energy and has trouble focusing. 

PLUS…

Our New Special 7 Lost Parenting Secrets Report and Our Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter is Now Available!!!

Are you searching for the real key to successful parenting? Your search is over… Check-out our FREE PARENTING REPORT called “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” to DISCOVER THE PROVEN SECRETS GUARANTEED TO SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF SUCCESSFUL PARENTING AND UNCOVER THE  KEY TO HAPPY,  HEALTHY CHILDREN.

SIGN-UP NOW for Our Free “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” Report and get Free Access to Our New Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter at www.7lostparentingsecrets.com

 

 

Bonus: Getting My Kids To Brush and Meal Planning

Happy New Year!  It’s Tanis, here are my answers to some additional questions that Tina had about getting her kids to brush their teeth as well as additional questions about meal planning.

Tina’s Questions:

Hi Tanis – great suggestions.  So do you think it would be helpful to show the kids pictures of healthy teeth versus decayed teeth, physically fit body versus couch potato, someone who cares for themselves versus someone who does not?? I don’t hide from my kids – they always come in when I am bathing or before or after showers…so they see me doing these things…what else can I do to demonstrate?

I talk to them about how they feel when I am giving them baths – for instance, when I wash their face I will comment “now doesn’t that feel better – fresh”?  Things like that.

What about for meals – should we give them 2 or 3 options and then let them choose or perhaps get them involved in creating a weekly menu (w/flexibility or without?)  I really want to get them to the point where they can make their own choices and support them.  I do that with other things as well – like what they want to wear.

My husband and I have to be better role models in the healthy eating department – my kids only see me eat at supper (I never eat breakfast) and my husband drinks a lot of coffee and soft drinks.  I’ve explained to him that if they see him making those choices than why are they bad choices for the kids. 

I guess for now I have to just do my best and hope for the best until I can put it all together.  Thank you for all of your help – it is sooooo appreciated  

My Response:

Hi Tina Yes, I find the more kids understand the “why” around things that you are wanting them to do the easier it is.

If they are told to brush their teeth for example because you said so it is now a power struggle with mom whereas if you ask them to brush their teeth because you are concerned for their teeth and well-being and then give them all the information on why it’s important it will put the decision in their hands and give them the control to decide.

Pictures are good to show, especially a visual child (which means they learn by seeing and doing), role-modeling is always very helpful too.

I think that getting kids involved with meal planning is a great idea for a lot of different reasons!

My boys love to have a say in what we eat, especially when they get to help prepare it.

My nine year old loves to shop for his ingredients and then prepare whatever meal he has picked out of the recipe book. I have only one rule, it has to be something nutritious, and it’s never been a problem.

Melody tells me you let your kids decorate their own individual Christmas tree’s, that’s a wonderful idea! Little things like that make a huge difference in helping them understand you are supporting their own uniqueness! Take care, I look forward to hearing from you!

Tanis   

In my next post, I will be continuing with the next installment of our Practical Parenting Tips Series called Part 5 – Behavioral and Aggressiveness Problems: My child has a low frustration level, what can I do to help him?

PLUS…
 
Our Special 7 Lost Parenting Secrets Report and Our Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter is now available!!!
 
Are you searching for the real key to successful parenting? Your search is over… Check-out our FREE PARENTING REPORT called “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” to find out what you have been missing.
 
SIGN-UP NOW for our Free “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” Report and get free access to our New Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter @ www.7lostparentingsecrets.com
 

Practical Parenting Tips: Part Four – Bad Dreams and Nighttime Awakenings

Hi, it’s Tanis, with Part 4 of our Practical Parenting Tips series. Today’s questions are all about what to do if Tina’s children are having nightmares as well as wanting to stay in her room instead of their own room when they wake up at night.

Hi Tanis,

What about bedtime? I have some fairly frustrating issues surrounding this.

One of them is that my older son asks me every single night – “Bad dreams aren’t real right mommy……what if I have a bad dream”…he always checks and confirms that monsters, cartoon characters and television actors are not real…..all the time.

Both of my kids are very fearful of … pretty much everything other than people and nature LOL!

I try to tell him that he makes his dreams and if he thinks good thoughts at bedtime (and I provide examples) that he will make good dreams. I tell him that if he focuses on bad thoughts, he will in turn create bad dreams.

Second – night time wakings and trips to my bed. We have always let the kids free rule over our room. I don’t think this is right for us because we don’t get good sleep and we are very irritated when these issues occur and we express our frustration to our kids (even though they don’t care as long as they are getting their way). How do I start to draw a line that our room is private and I want them to stay in their rooms??

Hi Tina,

Most parents have issues with bedtime.

It sounds as though you have Digital boys, so that means that in order to settle down for the night and feel relaxed, secure and comfortable enough to sleep they need to resolve the day’s issue’s and any unresolved emotions or problems they may have going on.

My older son needs to “talk” everything out before he can go to sleep, whereas my younger son is happy and content with some sort of physical touching, like a back rub, or even just cuddling or holding my hand for a bit.

If things are not resolved for them then they will wake up during the night and all the things that were bugging them at bedtime come right back up to the surface again. When they come to you in the night they are looking for or needing something…. you just need to figure out what it is! lol

At first you can ask them what they need but don’t expect them to really know. They may only be able to describe what they are feeling at the time and then you will need to do some investigating to figure out exactly what’s happening with them and you.

What is it that bothers you about them coming into your room, that you are not getting a solid sleep, that they are unable to self sooth and go back to sleep etc etc?

I used to get annoyed when my son was 3 and he used to come to me all the time, I figured I did my part with him all day and now night time was for me to sleep. The harder I tried to get him to stay in his own room the more times he would wake and be at my bedside.

It turned out that he didn’t get enough resolved at bedtime so his little mind was spinning with whatever was bugging him and he felt alone and awake.

Once I figured out that he needed way more talk before bed and once I stopped resisting the fact that he sometimes may need me during the night things started to improve.

I made sure he knew he could always come to me, my room was always open, that way I could figure out how many times per night he was up and see if that connected in any way to how much he was getting resolved before bed. I discovered that if he did get up then he hadn’t resolved everything he needed to and I gave him more time the next night.

When your kids start getting what they need in order to have a good sleep and that may be talking, cuddling, reading, watching a movie, or something else then they won’t get up and come to you.

My son won’t sleep anywhere other than his own bed anymore, we tried to have a campout/movie night in my room one night and he ended up getting up and saying he’s more comfy in his own bed! That coming from the kid who hated staying in his own room! lol

Try not resisting them right now, things will get better. They will feel the resisting and judgment and it will make them more anxious. They need to know that it’s not a big deal, it won’t always be like that and mom and dad are here to support regardless of what time of day or night it is until they are comfortable to stay in their own rooms until daylight.

I could go on and on but I don’t want to overwhelm you so let me know if this is all making sense and if you need to ask questions or focus more on something specifically you can let me know and we’ll go from there.

Bye for now

Tanis

For further reading, check out our Better Parents, Better Kids Main site at www.bpbkonline.com.

In our next post we have a BONUS post, with additional questions that Tina had from Part Two on Brushing and Hygiene questions, then we will return to the rest of the Practical Parenting Tips series.

PLUS…

 

Our Special 7 Lost Parenting Secrets Report and Our Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter is now available!!!

 

Are you searching for the real key to successful parenting? Your search is over… Check-out our FREE PARENTING REPORT called “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” to find out what you have been missing.

 

SIGN-UP NOW for our Free “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” Report and get free access to our New Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter @ www.7lostparentingsecrets.com

Practical Parenting Tips: Part Three – Should Children Be Allowed To Choose What They Want To Eat?

Hi, it is Tanis. Here is my response to Tina’s last questions from Part Two of the Practical Parenting Tips series, as well as the answer to Tina’s next question in the series about healthy food habits and whether her children should be allowed to choose what they want to eat all the time or not.

Tina’s Question:

What about eating habits – We always try to have meals at the same time every day, but either our kids object to eating at that particular time or they object to what is being served. I’ve been trying to give them everything they want (nutella chocolate spread for breakfast lunch and supper) but how long is this reasonable for??? What can I do to facilitate a healthy choice?

Thank You

My Response:

Hi Tina

I completely understand your concern, unfortunately the kids don’t. They haven’t learned the importance of healthy eating and personal hygiene… yet.

You see I believe in letting kids make their own choices and supporting them, but you are in a transition phase where there is still a lot of learning and evolving that you and the boys need to do. At this point they are learning and testing you to see what they can get away with rather than taking your advice on how to care for themselves.

So once they are in a place where they love themselves and are free to choose what and how they want things and will actually make choices that benefit their health and well being that will be great but in the mean time you will have to step in and create boundaries and rules to keep them safe and healthy.

I remember sitting down with my kids and talking about what I thought was important and what they thought was important. It gave me a good idea where they were coming from and then I was able to create a workable plan, with their help and input.

For example showering or bathing once day is non negotiable, it doesn’t really matter to me when during the day it happens although I prefer evening to wash the day’s dirt off. I let them choose when, how long, which soap, shampoo, towel etc etc. My older son was pretty happy to be able to choose when to shower, he tried out the morning, after school and eventually decided the night-time was best for him.

My younger son on the other hand still tried pushing to see if he could get away with no shower, so his rule was if he hadn’t showered on his own by bedtime then he would need to do it then.. non negotiable.

If the food is a big power struggle then only bring foods into the house that are good for them. It’s a hard transition for anyone to change their eating habits especially kids. If the junk and good foods are both in front of them they will choose the junk, at least right now.

If you bring in a variety of appropriate foods and let them choose they will have a chance to try different things without be tempted with their old favorites.

And again, I found it very helpful to explain the importance of healthy eating and the benefits to their body mind and overall feeling.

It’s important to do all of this in a loving, non-judgmental way. Even though you don’t agree or like their choices you will have to accept that they are different than you and won’t always choose what you would.

Once they start to feel your unconditional love and support they will start to turn around. Don’t’ forget to take care of yourself and let them see that, you are their role model so they will catch onto a lot just by watching you.

Hope this is helpful, talk to you again soon,

Tanis

For further reading, check out our Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting Program Main site at www.bpbkonline.com

If you have any questions about parenting, just leave a comment.

Check in for Part Four of our Practical Parenting Tips coming soon…

PLUS…

Our New Special 7 Lost Parenting Secrets Report and Our Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter is Now Available!!!

Are you searching for the real key to successful parenting? Your search is over… Check-out our FREE PARENTING REPORT called “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” to DISCOVER THE PROVEN SECRETS GUARANTEED TO SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF SUCCESSFUL PARENTING AND UNCOVER THE  KEY TO HAPPY,  HEALTHY CHILDREN.

SIGN-UP NOW for Our Free “7 Lost Parenting Secrets” Report and get Free Access to Our New Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter at www.7lostparentingsecrets.com

Practical Parenting Tips: Part Two – My Child Hates to Brush His Teeth, What Do I Do?

Hi, it’s Tanis, With Part Two of our 7 Part Practical Parenting Tips series. Today’s question from Tina is dealing with issue of hygiene and her son who hates to brush his teeth.

Tina’s Question:

Issues of Hygiene – those should be enforced – shouldn’t they? Shouldn’t we teach them how to form good habits? How do I handle objections to issues of hygiene? One of my kids in particular hates brushing his teeth and especially using toothpaste lol – what can I do here?

My Response:

Hi Tina,

Yes, good question.

I have a couple of questions for you too.

1. Does your son object to washing his hands and showering too or just the tooth brushing? How old is he?

2. Does he only hate brushing his teeth when he is told to do so or does he genuinely have a hard time with it? i.e. gags from the toothpaste or is uncomfortable in some other way?

First of all it is important to get down to why he doesn’t want to brush. Once you know the reason you can work with it.

For example if the toothpaste is horrible to him you can take him and have him pick his own or choose a new toothbrush. He may need or want to brush his teeth when he feels like it instead of when he’s told, or he may just see that he gets a reaction from mom and dad when he rebels against it. lol

And what parent wouldn’t be bothered? We don’t want to see our kids full of cavities, especially avoidable ones.

You can explain to him why it’s important and then give him his choices, you can brush by yourself, you can have mom or dad help you, you can choose the time etc. BUT you can also explain that the rules of the house are that you have to keep clean, not just him, everyone in the family, and the consequences if you don’t keep clean.

Or you can explain all of this to him and let him decide. Most parents don’t really go for that option, especially with hygiene issue.

But if you are comfortable letting him experience how it feels to have un-brushed teeth for awhile and letting him know it’s up to him and he needs to decide how he wants to care for himself then he will most likely start doing it on his own or will start asking you for help.

You see a child or person who loves him/herself will naturally want to care for him/herself, but if your son is not in that place yet then he will need some time. In the mean time you have 2 choices as I said before, tell him it’s a rule and he does have to do it (on his own terms) or explain and let him go.

If you choose the first one just remember not to make too many “rules”. In my opinion rules are saved for keeping them safe and alive and for keeping them healthy.

Hope this answers your question and helps.

Talk to you again, bye for now

Tanis

Tina’s Response:

Yes, at times they give me a hard time about washing hands and bathing. For instance, my 4 year old thinks that if he doesn’t touch anything when he goes to the bathroom – that means you don’t have to wash your hands (and so he doesn’t direct his “member” properly, he refuses to pull up his own pants). At times they both don’t want to take their baths – they usually love baths – but at times they will fuss about it.

The tooth brushing issue – also with my 4 year old. He complains about the toothpaste (I have 2 different kinds especially for kids) and the toothpaste seems to be the big objection… but I let the kids pick their own toothbrushes, I help him do it right over the sink, I offer him to spit as often and as much as he needs to, I am gentle.

How can I make this event something that he might look forward to or at least object to less? Even grosser, ahhhhhhhhh – my 4 year old has taken to picking his nose and eating it!!! I despise this and am concerned for his health.

Also, back to the giving them what they want – I have been doing this with food and they seem fairly content to eat junk all the time – how long is a reasonable time to wait before I step in and be responsible for helping with choices…..The bad foods are far outweighing the good ones.

Also, I am really struggling with giving them everything they want because they seem to just be getting ruder and more of a sense of entitlement and even more unappreciative. All the things that drive me crazy!!

I can’t wait for the next 7 parts!!!! Thank you for everything

Tina

In Part Three, Tanis will answer Tina’s latest questions…

PLUS…

 

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